My friend Kimmelin shared this today, as part of our on-going discussion about the nature of online birth discussions:
I believe that truth (about any subject) was once a solid mirror that became broken somewhere along the way. In its brokenness, we all cling to our one little piece of that mirror—a little piece of a greater truth. Birth, I think, is no different. Some are cut/injured by the piece of the birth mirror they cling to; others are illuminated by it. In the end, however, it is what we each do with the pieces we hold onto that makes a difference. Do we bring our pieces together with others and attempt to recreate the whole mirror—or do we secret away with our little piece, refusing to add it to a collective whole that could, potentially, fuse back together and illuminate the greater population?
To get us started, here is mine:
In my 2nd birth experience, I needed a quiet, uninterrupted space in which to do the opening necessary for giving birth. I've seen as a doula how this space can be broken and disrupted, how what might have been a rather boring uneventful birth is turned dangerous. I was lucky that I able to birth on my own, in the quiet morning hours. I chose a trusted CNM and stayed at home, giving birth in the water. Because my brain was fully "in labor" I experienced several life-altering epiphanies (thank you to Oxytocin):
One, labor was not painful. I had some control over the pain I felt in my body; I realized I could control the perception of my pain in certain circumstances.
Two, my senses were amazingly heightened, I think similarly to a drug-induced hallucination (although I've not had one of those). It was very beautiful, just the color of the sky and leaves on the trees outside my window, the dust fairies in the air.
Three, my memory was incredibly heightened. I can remember this moment in my life better than almost any other.
Four, babies can communicate to their mothers, mothers can know "where" they are in labor without any outside knowledge guiding them. I knew exactly what was happening and didn't feel worried about it at all.
Five, I felt the sensory presence of God protecting me in an extremely comforting way.
The consequences of these epiphanies? I learned to trust my own body and abilities in a way that is profound and influences me to this very day. I made the connection between body, mind and spirit, and have since sought to re-connect - through God, meditation, yoga, nature. I hadn't known the world existed in quite this way until that day. The immediate consequence was a painless labor, with little to no stress to my baby, no pushing, no damage to either of us, a tiny amount of bleeding, a quick recovery and easy post-partum period.
The biggest thing ? I learned that birth is about love, and that I wanted to help other women discover this.
I know that many things could have interfered with this scenario, and I was lucky, but I also know I am so grateful for the choices I made that gave this scenario the very best chance of happening. It wasn't all about my birth experience, it was about the rest of my life, my relationship with my daughter, and the protection of her loving spirit.
Thank you for reading!
